she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
