I'm so fucking centered right now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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