i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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