He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
