He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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