dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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