So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
