Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
