I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
