I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize