I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
