Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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