its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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