Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my liver is dry heaving
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
