i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
