Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
