You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize