We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
