I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
