I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
