By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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