the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
