Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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