And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
