hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
