My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
