I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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