I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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