Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
