I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
