some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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