You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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