Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
