Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
