you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You ruined the universe
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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