Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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