she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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