she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
