it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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