What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
