They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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