so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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