im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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