I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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