I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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