so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
