there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
