i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
