Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
