Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!