He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down