Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.