I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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