she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
