Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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