The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
