That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
