the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
