I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
