Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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