I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
