im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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