please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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