So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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