Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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