i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
