No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
